My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm getting married
To pizza
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
