i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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