just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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