This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
