i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
