just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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