finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
