ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
