I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
