how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
