My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
