She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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