She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
