Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
These tits shall not be calmed
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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