Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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