i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
