Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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