I puked a lego.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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