Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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