the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
