I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
