We need to rekindle our bromance
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
