These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
