the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
