I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
