We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i now understand why vodka
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
