there's paper in my vomit.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
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The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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