No awkward lesbian experiences without me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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