What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
