I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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