I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
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