bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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