this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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