Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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