dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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