Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first