oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
