well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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