Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
