Are we in a gay sports bar?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
