I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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