He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
