Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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