I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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