okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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