my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
