Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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