If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
How external is "for external use only"?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
