did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
