we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize