I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
