He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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