who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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