if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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