C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
