Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
