Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
