why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
