If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
